Bartholomew Butterfield, a farmer known more for his eccentric inventions than his actual farming, had an Udderly Ridiculous Plan! He’d spent weeks tinkering in his barn, surrounded by spare parts and smelling faintly of silage and burnt toast. His plan? To enter his prized cow, Bessie, into the annual ‘Pigasus Plunge’ – a local charity event where contestants launched contraptions into Farmer McGregor’s muddy pigpen.
“Bessie, my dear,” Bartholomew cooed, adjusting a pair of ridiculously oversized goggles on her head. “Today, you will be a star!”
Bessie, a placid Jersey cow with a penchant for chewing cud and judging Bartholomew’s life choices, just mooed skeptically.
His contraption, dubbed the “Cow-apult 5000,” was a rickety catapult made from old tractor tires, chicken wire, and a surprisingly sturdy ironing board. He’d even painted it bright pink.
“Ready, Bessie?” Bartholomew shouted over the raucous laughter of the crowd as he strapped her onto the ironing board.
“Moo?” Bessie inquired, her eyes wide with alarm.
Bartholomew pulled the lever. The catapult groaned, whined, and then… nothing.
“Blast it all!” he exclaimed, kicking the tire. “Just needs a little… oomph!” He gave the lever a mighty heave.
This time, with a deafening CLANG, Bessie soared through the air! She landed, not in the pigpen, but squarely in the middle of the prize-winning pumpkin patch. The crowd gasped. Bartholomew rushed over, expecting the worst.
Bessie, however, was perfectly fine. In fact, she looked rather pleased with herself. She was happily munching on a giant pumpkin, a serene look on her face.
Farmer McGregor, covered head-to-toe in mud and pumpkin guts, approached Bartholomew, shaking his head. “Butterfield,” he sighed, “you’ve done it again! That cow just won the ‘Most Creative Pumpkin Removal’ award! The pigs are going hungry tonight, thanks to your Udderly Ridiculous Plan!”
