A guy named Marvin was deep inside a rocky cave somewhere in the mountains, following a map he bought from a guy named “One-Eyed Steve” behind a gas station. He was convinced treasure awaited him. Gold, diamonds, maybe a rare Pokémon card.
Instead, all he found was a dusty, rusty old lamp.
Disappointed, Marvin gave it a frustrated rub—mostly to clean it and see if it was worth anything on eBay.
Poof! Out popped a genie.
“Congratulations!” boomed the genie, stretching his limbs. “It’s been 600 years since I last got a stretch. I’m stiff as a camel in a freezer. Anyway! You get three wishes!”
Marvin’s eyes lit up.
The genie held up a glowing finger. “But be warned: whatever you wish for, your ex-wife gets double.”
Marvin’s smile froze. “Double?”
“Yep,” the genie confirmed. “It’s the eternal law of cosmic balance. You win, she wins more.”
Marvin grumbled. His ex-wife, Gloria, had taken the dog, the house, and his best Tupperware in the divorce. She even kept the Netflix profile with all the good recommendations.
Still, a wish is a wish.
“Fine,” Marvin said. “For my first wish… I want a million dollars.”
Poof! A suitcase filled with cash dropped at his feet.
“Done,” said the genie. “And Gloria now has two million dollars.”
Marvin groaned. “Figures.”
“Second wish?” the genie asked.
Marvin thought harder this time. “Okay… I want a brand-new mansion with ten bathrooms, a home theater, a pool shaped like a guitar, and a garage full of luxury cars.”
Poof! The mansion details appeared in a glowing folder, complete with Wi-Fi passwords and a 24-hour pizza chef.
“Done,” said the genie. “Gloria now owns two mansions. With two pools. One shaped like a saxophone.”
Marvin stomped his foot. “This isn’t fair!”
“Hey,” the genie said, shrugging, “I don’t make the rules. I just enforce them… with style.”
Marvin paced. He had one wish left. He was fuming. And then, suddenly, a mischievous glint appeared in his eye.
“I’ve got it,” he said with a wicked grin.
“Oh boy,” muttered the genie. “These are always my favorite part.”
“For my last wish,” Marvin declared proudly, “I want you to scare me half to death!”
There was a long pause. The genie slowly blinked.
“Wait… what?”
“You heard me,” Marvin said smugly. “Scare me. Half. To. Death.”
The genie burst out laughing. “You humans are too clever for your own good.”
And with that—
POOF!
A giant ghost chicken exploded out of the wall, screamed something about expired coupons, and vanished. Marvin collapsed, heart pounding, but alive.
The genie hovered over him, chuckling. “And your ex-wife?” he said, grinning.
Marvin smiled weakly from the cave floor. “She just got scared… to death.”
