A pastor, known for his booming voice and even boomier requests, stood before his congregation. His usually rosy cheeks were slightly paler than usual, and a faint sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead. He cleared his throat, the sound echoing through the hallowed hall.
“My beloved flock,” he began, his voice a little less booming than usual, “as you know, the good Lord has blessed my wife and I…” He paused for dramatic effect, a dramatic pause that felt longer than the sermon on the parable of the talents. “…with the prospect of another blessing.”
A ripple of murmurs went through the pews. Babies were generally considered blessings, although a few members, remembering the cost of diapers, started calculating the impact on their already strained budgets.
The pastor continued, “Yes, my dear congregants, my wife is expecting! A second child is on the way!” He beamed, a smile that seemed slightly strained considering his current predicament. “And while we rejoice in this addition to our family, I must also, with a heavy heart and a slightly lighter wallet, address a matter of… fiscal responsibility.”
He adjusted his glasses, his gaze sweeping across the congregation. He saw a few nods of understanding, some sympathetic frowns, and one old lady who looked like she was already knitting a tiny sweater in her head.
“The cost of raising a child in these challenging economic times…” he began, his voice softening, “is, shall we say, substantial. Diapers alone could bankrupt a small nation. And the sheer volume of milk… it’s enough to fill the baptismal font thrice daily.”
He paused, then took a deep breath. “Therefore, in light of this joyous occasion, and the considerable financial strain this blessed event will impose upon our humble household, I must, with utmost humility, request a… modest increase in my compensation.”
The church erupted in a cacophony of whispers, gasps, and the rustling of hymnals. A debate ensued that lasted longer than the average sermon, punctuated by spirited arguments about tithing, budgeting, and the relative cost of organic versus non-organic baby food. Arguments got heated, so heated that one elder nearly choked on a communion wafer.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the vote was called. The pastor’s request for a raise… was denied.
The pastor, though visibly disappointed, offered a brave smile. “Well,” he said, his voice regaining some of its usual booming strength. “At least we’ve all had a spirited discussion about the true meaning of sacrifice. And I’m sure we can all find some creative ways to stretch our budgets. Perhaps we could start a diaper-recycling program?” He winked, and the congregation, exhausted from the debate, chuckled nervously. The lesson that day? God loves a good debate, and apparently, also a really good budget.
