Old Man, Same Brain. That’s what Agnes always said about her husband, Arthur. And today, it was proving more true than ever.
Arthur, bless his cotton socks, had decided he was going to build a birdhouse. Not just any birdhouse, mind you. A five-star bird mansion, complete with a tiny swimming pool (a repurposed teacup) and a minuscule solar panel nicked from Agnes’s garden gnome.
“Arthur, dear,” Agnes called from the kitchen window, watching him struggle to hammer a nail straight. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing? That wood looks awfully…lopsided.”
Arthur straightened up, puffing out his chest. “Agnes, my love, I built model airplanes in my youth! I know exactly what I’m doing. This feathered family will be living in the lap of luxury!” He promptly whacked his thumb with the hammer. “Ouch!”
Later, Agnes found him wrestling with the solar panel. “Arthur, it’s meant to power a light, not heat a swimming pool,” she explained patiently.
He waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense, Agnes! I’m going to create a bird jacuzzi! They deserve it!”
By evening, the birdhouse, if you could call it that, resembled a drunken shack with a tiny, useless solar panel precariously perched on top. Agnes sighed. “Well, at least you tried, dear.”
Arthur beamed. “Tried? I succeeded! I even added a security system! I put a motion-sensor sprinkler on it.”
Agnes raised an eyebrow. “A sprinkler?”
The next morning, a flock of pigeons landed on the birdhouse, instantly triggering the sprinkler. Startled, they took flight, scattering birdseed everywhere. One pigeon, in its panicked escape, dropped something right onto Arthur’s head.
Arthur, covered in…well, you know…looked up, sputtering. Agnes rushed out, stifling a giggle.
“Arthur, are you alright?”
He glared at the birdhouse, then at Agnes. “See? Security system worked perfectly! It deterred the invaders!” He paused, brushing something off his shoulder. “Though,” he added thoughtfully, “perhaps I should have aimed it a little lower. I think I need to recalibrate the…’bomb’ disposal mechanism.”
