Sister Agnes, a woman who hadn’t uttered a swear word in her seventy-odd years, was having a terrible day. The church roof leaked, the bingo machine was broken, and now, a massive construction crew was jackhammering outside her window at 7 AM sharp.
She stormed outside, her wimple flapping in the breeze, and confronted the foreman, a burly man named Tony with a perpetually bewildered expression.
“Excuse me!” she chirped, her voice surprisingly high-pitched. “Is all this infernal racket truly necessary at this ungodly hour?”
Tony blinked. “Gotta build a new parking garage, ma’am. Mayor’s orders.”
Sister Agnes took a deep breath. “Surely, there’s a more…serene way to accomplish this task. All this racket is driving me to the brink!”
Tony shrugged. “Nope. Gotta be quick, gotta be loud. That’s construction, lady.”
Something snapped in Sister Agnes. Decades of repressed frustration, coupled with a broken bingo machine, boiled over. She took another breath, then unleashed a string of profanity so creative, so eloquent, and so utterly shocking, that Tony’s hard hat nearly fell off. Sailors would blush. Priests would faint.
When she finally stopped, gasping for air, Tony could only stammer, “Wow… I… I didn’t even know that many combinations of words existed.”
Sister Agnes, regaining her composure, smiled sweetly. “I’ve been saving those up for a special occasion.” She paused, then leaned in conspiratorially. “Now, about that racket…”
The next day, the construction crew arrived to find a sign posted: “Quiet Zone. Mass in Progress.” And just for good measure, another sign underneath read: “Violators Will Be Verbally Annihilated. You Have Been Warned. Signed, Sister Agnes (and you REALLY don’t want to hear her).” Beneath that, a post-script added with an arrow: “P.S. Tony says it’s even worse than you think.”
The construction work proceeded at a snail’s pace, conducted entirely by men whispering apologies to the pavement. Turns out, the best way to beat construction? Nun vs. Construction: F-Bombs Away! And the best part? Sister Agnes felt strangely…reinvigorated. Bingo night was never quite the same.
