Mr. Smith: 35 Years, Then WHAT?! was the banner hanging above the Retirement Roast. Mr. Smith, a man whose tie collection was legendary and whose stapler was his best friend, fidgeted nervously. Thirty-five years at the Widget Works! Thirty-five years of spreadsheets and lukewarm coffee!
His daughter, Emily, squeezed his hand. “Relax, Dad. They’re just going to tell embarrassing stories and give you a gold watch.”
“But what am I going to do?” Mr. Smith whispered, his eyes wide with panic. “I only know widgets! I dream widgets! What comes after Mr. Smith: 35 Years, Then WHAT?!”
The roast began. There were jokes about Mr. Smith’s obsession with paperclips, his uncanny ability to predict the weather based on the coffee machine’s gurgling sounds, and the time he accidentally printed out 500 copies of his cat dressed in a tiny Widget Works uniform. Mr. Smith laughed nervously, accepting a commemorative Widget-shaped paperweight with a forced smile.
Finally, it was his turn. He cleared his throat, adjusted his tie (naturally), and looked out at the sea of faces. “Well,” he began, his voice trembling slightly, “it’s been… an experience. Thirty-five years… I’ve learned a lot about widgets, about teamwork, and about the importance of never, ever putting your tuna sandwich near the shredder.”
He paused, took a deep breath, and continued. “But the question everyone keeps asking is… what next? Mr. Smith: 35 Years, Then WHAT?! I’ve pondered this. I’ve consulted fortune cookies. I even asked Alexa, and she just offered to sell me a widget.”
He leaned into the microphone. “So, after much deliberation, I’ve decided… I’m opening a widget-themed cat cafe. It’s called ‘Whisker Widgets,’ and we’ll serve purr-fectly good lattes and offer enrichment activities involving…you guessed it…widgets!”
The room erupted in laughter and applause. Emily stared, mouth agape. Mr. Smith beamed. As the noise died down, his boss, Mr. Henderson, approached, looking bewildered. “A cat cafe? With widgets? But…why?”
Mr. Smith shrugged, a twinkle in his eye. “Well, after 35 years in the widget business, I figured it was time to finally put a cat among the pigeons…or rather, put widgets among the cats!”
