Barnaby Buttons, a notorious penny-pincher even by his accountant’s standards, had just inherited his Great Aunt Mildred’s prize-winning poodle, Princess Fluffybutt III. Along with the dog came a letter explaining Princess Fluffybutt III’s “Inherited Sadness.” Apparently, Mildred had indulged the poodle’s every whim, resulting in a pampered pooch with an existential crisis.
Barnaby sighed. He’d expected stocks, bonds, maybe a slightly used yacht. Not a weeping, diamond-collared canine.
He tried cheering her up. “Look, Princess!” he boomed, holding up a slightly-gnawed tennis ball. “Fun!”
Princess Fluffybutt III merely whimpered, a single, perfect tear tracing a path through her meticulously groomed fur.
“Right,” Barnaby muttered. He consulted the letter again. “Mildred says… ‘A weekly trip to the opera, gourmet salmon twice daily, and absolutely NO walking on asphalt.'” Asphalt! The bane of his existence! He’d specifically chosen his apartment building for its proximity to a parking lot.
The next day, Barnaby reluctantly booked tickets for a matinee performance of “The Magic Flute.” Princess Fluffybutt III sat on a velvet cushion he’d fashioned from an old dishcloth, dabbing her eyes with a miniature silk handkerchief (another Mildred extravagance).
During the Queen of the Night’s aria, Princess Fluffybutt III perked up. She began to bark, not sadly, but with gusto, hitting surprisingly accurate notes along with the soprano. The audience, initially annoyed, began to clap along. Barnaby, mortified, tried to shush her, but she was unstoppable.
After the performance, a flamboyant man in a feathered boa rushed over. “Madame!” he cried, bowing deeply to the poodle. “Your rendition was simply divine! I represent the Doggy Diva Talent Agency!”
Barnaby stared, speechless. Princess Fluffybutt III, for the first time since her inheritance, actually smiled, revealing surprisingly sharp little teeth.
The man turned to Barnaby. “And you, sir, I presume you’re her… manager?”
Barnaby, still reeling, stammered, “Actually, I just inherited the sadness.”
