Dog Food for My Hamster?

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an content image

Barnaby the hamster was a picky eater. He’d turn his nose up at sunflower seeds, disdainfully ignore his tiny carrots, and even rejected the gourmet hamster biscuits I’d painstakingly selected from the pet store. My desperation was reaching epic levels. Then, I saw it. A jumbo-sized bag of “Beefy Bonanza” dog food, on sale for half price.

“This is it,” I declared to Barnaby, who was currently attempting to scale the water bottle. “The ultimate culinary experience!” I carefully spooned a tiny bit of the beefy concoction onto his ceramic food bowl. Barnaby stared at it, his little whiskers twitching. He cautiously sniffed it.

“Well?” I asked, leaning closer. He took a bite. His eyes widened. He devoured the entire spoonful in seconds. He then proceeded to squeak frantically, running in circles on his wheel with a speed I’d never witnessed before.

“Wow,” I said, impressed. “That’s a five-star review, right there!”

I continued to feed him the dog food for a week. He thrived! His fur was shiny, he was incredibly energetic, and he even started whistling (I think). I was feeling smug, a champion hamster caregiver.

Then, the vet called. “Your hamster,” the vet began, his voice grave, “he’s… well, he’s gained quite a bit of weight. And he seems to have developed a rather… robust bark.”

I rushed to Barnaby’s cage. There he was, happily munching on a miniature chew toy… and barking. A deep, booming bark that sounded suspiciously like my neighbor’s basset hound, Bruno. That’s when I noticed the tiny, dog-shaped silhouette huddled in Barnaby’s cage, also barking. Seems Barnaby wasn’t just eating the dog food, he’d befriended a very tiny, very confused, escapee. My hamster wasn’t just overweight; he’d adopted a puppy.

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