Bruce was enjoying the peaceful solitude of his train compartment during a long journey through the countryside. The scenery was nice, the seat was comfy, and the snack cart had just passed by with a suspiciously dry-looking sandwich he bravely accepted. Life was good.
Then it hit him. A sudden, undeniable, unstoppable nature call.
Eyes wide with panic, Bruce leapt up and bolted down the narrow corridor in search of the toilet, clutching his midsection like a man trying to hold in the secrets of the universe.
He found it. Salvation. The door labeled “WC” glowed like a beacon in the distance. He lunged for it.
Locked.
He jiggled the handle.
Still locked.
He knocked.
Nothing.
He jiggled the handle again with the urgency of someone defusing a bomb with a wet fuse.
Still nothing.
Then a polite voice from inside said, “Occupied!”
Bruce nearly cried. He did a little dance. Then he tried to pretend he was casually admiring the carpet pattern as another passenger passed by, giving him a look that clearly said, You okay, mate?
Five more minutes passed.
Bruce knocked again, more frantically. “Are you all right in there?”
The voice responded, “Yes! Just catching up on a crossword puzzle.”
Bruce, now sweating like a teapot on full boil, muttered, “I’m about to make my own puzzle on this carpet.”
Desperate, he ran to the next carriage. Locked again.
Back to the first toilet. Still locked.
At this point, Bruce began negotiating with a higher power. “Dear universe, if you get me through this, I promise I’ll never eat questionable train sandwiches again.”
Just as he was about to lose all hope and potentially his dignity, the door creaked open. A man stepped out holding a newspaper, looking fresh as a daisy.
Bruce didn’t even wait for the door to swing fully open. He dove inside, slammed it shut, and sighed the sigh of a man who had just returned from the brink.
From that day on, Bruce never traveled without three things: his own toilet paper, a firm knowledge of train carriage layouts, and a healthy fear of sandwiches labeled “egg-ish.”
